Fear & Happiness

My sweet friend Stefanie sent me the article below after I told her that I woke up crying because I had to get out of bed and go to my job. The only way I could bring myself to "just get up and go" was to wear my boyfriends shirt, (he is a constant positive figure in my life) and a good cup of coffee...or three (I needed a serious upper).

From this article, this is the passage that I could not relate to more:

" of course I like to buy things, too. What I’m arguing is there’s a raging imbalance in our country that’s making me miserable, and I don’t even know it because I believe the lie. I believe one day I’ll have worked enough hours and bought enough things to be happy. And I’m afraid not to be because I don’t know what else to be. I don’t know how to be myself. "

I'm going to try to figure out how to be myself and not base my happiness on what I do for a living. I also want to re-balance my life so that what I do for a living reflects me, and all I know for now is that I want to create beauty. In what way? I'm not quite sure just yet. I will let you know when I have figured it out.

Thank you Stefanie, and to ALL of my friends who make me feel so incredibly loved and special.


Love & Sunshine,

Sierra

A self-involved essay on money, fear, and happiness in America:

http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/a-self-involved-essay-on-money-fear-and-happiness-in-america/

I do my thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

-Fredrick Perls

2 1/2 Weeks until My Quarter Life Crisis

I will be 25 years old, in 17 days. I am the youngest of most of my friends and I am very aware and accepting of the dramatic, quarter-life-crisis-meltdown that will most likely happen to me, as it has happened to many of my friends.

Whether you have not met the love-of-your-life, or you are not even close to working for a company you love, or you are not doing what what you love, or you have more students loans than you can bare to admit out loud, or you have 72 dollars in your bank account or you are still living at home... I am pretty sure every 25 year old has AT LEAST one of these 'problems'. I am starting to think that these might actually not be problems. I think that these are the things that make you free.

16 year-old-Sierra thought she would be married with 2 babies by now. (Oh. My. Goodness.)
20  year-old-Sierra  thought she would be living in San Francisco, working at a high-end salon, with a full clientele by now.
23  year-old-Sierra  thought she would be working her way up the corporate ladder to be the next Director of Marketing.
2 1/2 weeks-from-25-year-old Sierra is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

But.... I do know how to network and operate my own small business. I know how to move to a new city without having any friends. I know how to pack everything I need into my car and get rid of the rest. I know what it feels like to make a plan and have it completely fall apart. I know how to work for an asshole and I swear I will never to it again. I know how to be resourceful and I know what it feels like to take risks. I know what it is like to spend the holidays without any family. I know how to make mistakes and not regret them. I know how to appreciate friends better than I did before. I know how to have my heart broken and I also know how to respectfully breakup with someone. I know (somewhat) how corporate politics work. I know how to be flexible and I know what it feels like to be taken advantage of. I know how to stay busy and not think too much. I know that my sisters really are my best friends in the world. I know that I have so much more to learn.

I am living in Miami, in an urban style loft with my wonderful loving boyfriend and my sweet little chocolate lab. I am working at a whatever/who-cares office job,  and I have the luxury of independence and very little responsibility, while spending my money selfishly.

By the age of 25 I will have lived in 6 states, have fallen in love 3 times, and traveled out of the United States twice. I would love to be working towards my dream job and having the feeling of importance every morning at 8:00, dressed to impress, with a full day of meetings. I have many down days when it comes to searching for my career path, but, I am excited for the flexibility that comes when you don't care for your job. I am much more free because of it and I can still go and do whatever I want. Cheers to time and the freedom to figure it out! Happy 25th Birthday to me! :)

My heart just melted...

Over this Kate Spade weekender bag.

In highschool my goal in life was to make enough money to buy whatever I wanted out of the Victorias Secret Catalog. My new goal in life is to make enough money to buy $1,000 bags. Oh, but guess what?! It's on SALE for only $547!

Some girls want babies. I want gorgeous hand bags. to each her own.

Work Holiday Parties...

...Are always extremely uncomfortable.

There are those who apparently never got to go to prom and deem the work holiday party an appropriate time to wear the prom dress that they never got to wear when they were 16.

There are also those who think they can still fit in their sequin dress from college when clearly they can not.

There is always that older couple on the dance floor who are way too into each other... we are at a hotel, there are plenty of rooms available, GET ONE.

At our holiday party there was a live band and an open bar... which usually leads to you making a fool of yourself by taking Jagger bombs and spilling it all down the front of you. Note: getting shit-faced in front of your boss, or even worse, the president is the worst idea you have ever had.

I, on the other hand, wore a tasteful one shoulder, knee length, purple dress with black striped tights, black pumps and chose to leave my floor length, hot pink, prom dress in the back of my closet. As the party ended the lead singer of the band who had red hot hair and clearly thought she was Fergalicious came up to me and told me that I had the best outfit of the night. I told my boss the next day at work how flattered I was by her compliment and also told him how she said that she 'would TOTALLY wear my dress on stage'. He laughed, and I realized that a compliment like that from the Fergi-wanna-be, probably meant I would have been better off wearing my old prom dress.

Dear Holiday Muffin Top,

Because of you, I am enthusiastically enjoying my canned tuna and unsweetened grapefruit.Tonight: Home-made boot camp with the roommate followed by a delicious chocolate protein shake.

I dare you to be jealous

gift ideas

For Your (Fashion-Obsessed) Cousin: For the person who probably spends 99% of her time daydreaming, a whimsical fashion illustration from Etsy is just what the doctor ordered. You might not normally exchange gifts with extended fam but she needs you, man.
^ ya, that is me. So who wants to buy me this rad painting for my new modern high rise apartment in Miami that I dont yet have?

My life is a crazy adventure :)

I am so overwhelmed (in a good way). In 5 Days I get to meet Clayton in Denver for his Best friends 26th Birthday. I have met his best friend Greg once before but I am also meeting a bunch of Clayton's other college friends. I've heard so much about all of them and I feel like we will all have so much fun, but I'm definitely a little bit nervous (i hope they like me).

We are also going to go up to Vail to Clayton's parents house. We are going to celebrate an early Thanksgiving. I am so excited to get to spend a Holiday with his fam. It is so great because I seriously love his family. They are loud and fun, and I feel completely at home with them.

Then I fly back to Phoenix and work for 2 days, then THANKSGIVING BREAK! I am going to drive with my doggie to Heidi's house in St. George! My whole family will be there except kelso :(
Aunt Seeya is sooo excited to see all her nieces and nephews!!

Then I come back to work for 4 days and then Clayton is driving down to Phoenix and we are driving to Miami together!! He got a job there and starts December 7th as a front office supervisor for the Ritz Carlton at Key Biscayne. I am so proud of him. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm sad, but I'm not. Clayton has done such a good job of making me feel super involved in his decision and I have been super supportive. It makes me feel good that he wants me to drive with him across the country and I think it will really strengthen our relationship. I am really excited!!! We are going to make a few pit stops in San Antonio, New Orleans,and we are going to visit Gar (his grandma). I know the next few months being so far apart will be hard. It is now a 6 hour plane ride instead of 1 hour and tickets are more expensive, so we wont be able to see each other every 3-4 weeks like we have been doing for the past 8 months. My contract here in Phoenix is up at the end of March and both of us are leaning towards me just looking for a job in Miami and moving there in April. We will see how the next couple months go. All in all I think if anyone could do a Arizona to Florida long distance relationship it is me and Clayton.

I'm super excited for the next 3 weekends (but I'm going to be completely broke afterwards)!! I just feel like the luckiest girl :)

A goal is a direction, not an end

I was empowered this morning by waking up before sunrise and practicing Bikram Yoga. I made a conscious decision to have a good day. Of course not everything goes perfectly, I was stuck in some serious traffic on the way to work and my normal 30 minute commute took an extra 15 minutes. But what I realized is, it is all in your perspective. Luckily I have a job that I dont have to be there at an exact time and the traffic allowed me so sing along to some good songs and get in an even better mood. I got to work this morning and read an article about a quadruple amputee hiking Kilimanjaro. I am so inspired today to better myself in all aspects.

Life is an adventure. Learn from every lesson and be grateful.

I love this time of year!!

It's engagement season!!! yes, yes, im a sap, a goober and a hopeless romantic!! I love everything about love. I have two friends who recently have gotten engaged and I could not be happier for them!

Congratulations to Jade! Her boyfriend Mike proposed to her in Paris!

Congrats to my friend Stephanie who was proposed to on their 1 year anniversary. Its a cute little story and actually made me giggle-cry :)
"Life hardly ever turns out the way we plan. And yet, I feel like everything I have found in my life has been exactly what I always knew I wanted. I think the only thing I didn't plan was how this happiness would feel, because I never even knew this kind of happy existed." -Stephanie

I'm love drunk.

Nike Womens 1/2 Marathon

Bucket list: Run a Half Marathon… CHECK. Flew into Reno Friday night. Drinks with Clayton, Jenna, Aj, Sister, Adam, Laura, Brit and Ryan. Saturday: lazy morning, coffee breakfast and headed to the bay with Clayton. Reading outloud, singing along and silly dancing. Got to SF and went to the race Expo. Saw Sara from Bman!! Sushi, drinks, met Claytons Aunt, banana split, then cuddles and early bed time. Sunday! Race day! It was such an empowering experience. It took so much physical and mental determination and I completed my first half marathon with out walking. I had flash backs from highschool cross country of my dad meeting me at every hill on the course reminding me to power up the hills, cuz that were you pass everyone who is weak and slows down. I received my Tiffanys necklace (that I LOVE) and Clayton met me at the finish with a big sweaty hug and kiss on the head. He is the best support ever. He always pushes me to excel in my passions and motivates me to not give up. I think he told me 10 times how proud of me he was :) We had a sunny drive home and finished the day off with claypot margaritas to celebrate my accomplishment. This weekend made me a stronger person. And I think I fell more in love with Clayton, if that’s even possible.

:)

This weekend Clayton came to Phoenix. He got in Friday night and we went out with a bunch of friends. It was definitely a fun night and all of my friends loved him. Saturday we got up to go shopping, get almost to the mall and Clayton forgot his wallet. No big deal, right? Wrong. I wanted mimosas and therefore he needed his ID. After a stop at Starbucks and back to my apartment, we got to the mall and drank bottomless mimosas and chit chatted about friends (while thinking the whole time, ugh, my boyfriend is sooo effing handsome!!) Moving on, after shopping, pizza and beer we met up with some friends and had an even better time than the night before!! I drove us downtown, and gave Clayton my keys... mind you, Clayton is a looker, not so much a thinker ;-) so he though it would be a good idea to hide my keys underneath my rear tire.

Night goes on, we take a ridiculously expensive cab ride back to my place then realizing we have no keys. The front window is open but has two screens that are screwed in. My dog is barking and I'm freaking out. So I told Clayton to break the screen and climb through. Not funny at the time, but now thinking about my tall gangly boyfriend wiggle through a hole in my screen as if he was birthed into my apartment makes me laugh SO hard!

Next morning, we get a ride to my car to find two of the tires are slashed. I got pretty upset and Clayton really just did everything perfect to make me feel better. It's is moments like that, that make me really think I could be with this guy. I'm a pretty upbeat happy person, but its those times when everything seems to go wrong and Clayton always puts things in perspective. I love him for that. He has such beautiful eyes that he sees the world through, and it really makes me want to experience all things good and bad with him. He just gets me. When I'm passionate about something he supports me and get me more exited. When I'm confused about something he does his best to explain without imposing his opinions. If there are such things as soul mates, I think he might be mine.

meanwhile...

Today is going by super slow... Document Repository meetings aaalllll morning with a bunch of techy geeks who may as well be speaking chinese.

Bunco tonight!!! somehow I've accumulated 12 girlfriends to start a new Bunco leage here in phoenix!

Realizing that as much as I love sunshine and pool parties, I need it too cool down so I can wear leggings, boots and scarves.


HAPPY FRIDAY!
xoxo

Notes to my future husband

this is my new favorite blog!! I'm addicted!!! -- http://tomyhusband.tumblr.com

"Strippers. Going to a strip club is not an affair. You do not have to call me to check in. Have fun at your weird cousin’s bachelor party. Truly. "

"Hot Water, It’s a precious resource. We can have shower sex, but you gotta let me finish washing my hair. "

"Shoes. Think of them as the female equivalent to a blow job. Really good ones can make everything better and I’ll always want more. "

"Throwing Up. You don’t have to hold my hair back or anything. Make yourself useful and get me a mint and a fresh drink. "

"Don’t ever stopcalling me “the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen”. It may or may not be true, but even when we’re old and our private parts aren’t working anymore, I’ll never get tired of hearing that I turn your viagra on and that I’m your only gal.It’s one of the many reasons why I married you."

Clayton came to Phoenix!!!

He was here from Tuesday night till Friday late afternoon.
When he arrived he was all nervous and antsy. heheh that's usually how I feel when he picks me up from the airport, but this time it was him and not me. We went home, drank margs and watched a movie... sort of.

Wednesday I had to work part of the day, then we went to the Monte Lucia pool. We had fun laying out and playing in the water. He really wanted to go shopping, so he said we should go home and change. I always take a while to get ready (i gotz lotz a hair!) he was getting kinda pushy for me to hurry. annoyed, I hurried up. We went to the Michael Kors store where he surprised me with and early birthday present, a watch he picked out and had bought for me. I was sooo surprised! He was grinning so big, his face was priceless and I'm sure my bright red embarrassed face was too! The girls who worked there poured us some champagne and told me happy birthday and congrats and continued to oogle over how cute and in love we are. haha. I felt like I had been purposed to. Couldn't stop smiling and grinning ear to ear, going back and forth from looking down at my gorgeous rose gold watch and kissing him. We continued the day by having dinner at Kazmirez (Claytons friend Max took me there when I first moved to Phoenix).

Thursday we checked into the Ritz and had a pool day and were showered with drink and fruit platters from the staff. Ritz Carlton treats there employees very special. I don't think I have ever been so pampered. We met up with my girlfriend Megan at Postinos for dinner. Megan later told me how much she loves him! First she started out by telling me how much of a gentleman he was, and how perfect and fun we are together. She said, "he is just your style". So true. He is perfectly my style.

Friday morning Clayton's flight was cancelled so we had a lazy day together. All in all it was perfect. He is so fun and easy going, and hot. oh and sexy :)

Home

I guess my trip to reno was harder than I thought it would be. I love reno. Doesn't mean I want to live there... but I have the fondest memories of my life in Reno. Reno has helped shape who I am. Not just Reno the place, but the people and the culture of Reno.

I got to see many of my college fraternity brothers and best friends. It was harder than I thought it would be to leave them all over again. Not only that, but I miss my two best friends (my sisters), I miss watching my brothers grow up and catching up with my mom and dad over lunch.

To add to that, I got to spend time with Clayton. It was bitter sweet. Sweet in the fact that he was with me to party with my friends, I got to meet some of his family and he got to meet mine. But bitter because I feel that with so many people around we didnt get all that much quality one on one time, but we always had going to bed and waking up together.

He was a great sport when it came to hanging out with my friends, he fit right in. I loved it. He also did a great job of hanging out with my family.But, what made me fall even more in love with him was getting to hang out with him and his younger brother. They literally are two peas in a pod.

It was an action packed weekend, I feel that I let down a few people because I was being pulled in many directions. Everything ended up working out just fine in the end. When I got to the airport on Sunday I actually started to tear. I would like to blame it on the lack of sleep.

I am grateful for all the people in my life. I am a better person because of them.

Riddle Me That!!: Acknowledgement

Riddle Me That!!: Acknowledgement: "Have you ever been in public and recognized someone you personally know and who's even friended you on Facebook, see you and act like you d..."

most akward break room converstation ever.

me: (washing my Tupperware)

stan (creepy 50 year old): oh i should have brought my dishes for you to wash

me: akward laugh...

stan: or how bout this, I'll wash, you dry.... that's how couples do it, right?
me: uncomfortable laugh...

stan: oh, you're a cutter? (said with an oddly intrigued tone while looking at my white heart tattoo on my wrist)

me: oh no! Its a white heart tattoo. I usually wear a watch to cover it at work.

stan: oh, does 'he' have a matching one?

me: ... uh? no I actually got it with my girlfriend before I moved to arizona.

stan: oh i get it, so its like a matching tattoo with your 'girlfriend' (emphasis on girlfriend)

me: well she's just like my best friend that is a girl, not my girlfriend...

stan: you know, whatever makes you happy!! Everyone likes different things

me: oh no, I'm not into that sort of thing, she is totally just my friend.

stan: totally not believing my claim of my not having a heart tattoo with my lesbian lover, continues to tell me a story of a girl he met at a bar and she asked him to go with her to get a tattoo with her on her belly. Apparently he opted not to get a belly tattoo because they seem so hard to keep clean. Oh, but helped random girl he just met at the bar clean and treat her tattoo.

me: confused how his story is a) work appropriate b) relevant and/or c) if it is even true... as i speed walk out of the break room back to my cubicle thinking, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?

Summer necessities

Pastel Yellow nail polish

Black and White Striped office skirt

Pink Blazer

....

tobe continued