Fear & Happiness

My sweet friend Stefanie sent me the article below after I told her that I woke up crying because I had to get out of bed and go to my job. The only way I could bring myself to "just get up and go" was to wear my boyfriends shirt, (he is a constant positive figure in my life) and a good cup of coffee...or three (I needed a serious upper).

From this article, this is the passage that I could not relate to more:

" of course I like to buy things, too. What I’m arguing is there’s a raging imbalance in our country that’s making me miserable, and I don’t even know it because I believe the lie. I believe one day I’ll have worked enough hours and bought enough things to be happy. And I’m afraid not to be because I don’t know what else to be. I don’t know how to be myself. "

I'm going to try to figure out how to be myself and not base my happiness on what I do for a living. I also want to re-balance my life so that what I do for a living reflects me, and all I know for now is that I want to create beauty. In what way? I'm not quite sure just yet. I will let you know when I have figured it out.

Thank you Stefanie, and to ALL of my friends who make me feel so incredibly loved and special.


Love & Sunshine,

Sierra

A self-involved essay on money, fear, and happiness in America:

http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/a-self-involved-essay-on-money-fear-and-happiness-in-america/

I do my thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

-Fredrick Perls

2 1/2 Weeks until My Quarter Life Crisis

I will be 25 years old, in 17 days. I am the youngest of most of my friends and I am very aware and accepting of the dramatic, quarter-life-crisis-meltdown that will most likely happen to me, as it has happened to many of my friends.

Whether you have not met the love-of-your-life, or you are not even close to working for a company you love, or you are not doing what what you love, or you have more students loans than you can bare to admit out loud, or you have 72 dollars in your bank account or you are still living at home... I am pretty sure every 25 year old has AT LEAST one of these 'problems'. I am starting to think that these might actually not be problems. I think that these are the things that make you free.

16 year-old-Sierra thought she would be married with 2 babies by now. (Oh. My. Goodness.)
20  year-old-Sierra  thought she would be living in San Francisco, working at a high-end salon, with a full clientele by now.
23  year-old-Sierra  thought she would be working her way up the corporate ladder to be the next Director of Marketing.
2 1/2 weeks-from-25-year-old Sierra is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

But.... I do know how to network and operate my own small business. I know how to move to a new city without having any friends. I know how to pack everything I need into my car and get rid of the rest. I know what it feels like to make a plan and have it completely fall apart. I know how to work for an asshole and I swear I will never to it again. I know how to be resourceful and I know what it feels like to take risks. I know what it is like to spend the holidays without any family. I know how to make mistakes and not regret them. I know how to appreciate friends better than I did before. I know how to have my heart broken and I also know how to respectfully breakup with someone. I know (somewhat) how corporate politics work. I know how to be flexible and I know what it feels like to be taken advantage of. I know how to stay busy and not think too much. I know that my sisters really are my best friends in the world. I know that I have so much more to learn.

I am living in Miami, in an urban style loft with my wonderful loving boyfriend and my sweet little chocolate lab. I am working at a whatever/who-cares office job,  and I have the luxury of independence and very little responsibility, while spending my money selfishly.

By the age of 25 I will have lived in 6 states, have fallen in love 3 times, and traveled out of the United States twice. I would love to be working towards my dream job and having the feeling of importance every morning at 8:00, dressed to impress, with a full day of meetings. I have many down days when it comes to searching for my career path, but, I am excited for the flexibility that comes when you don't care for your job. I am much more free because of it and I can still go and do whatever I want. Cheers to time and the freedom to figure it out! Happy 25th Birthday to me! :)